3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
