in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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