I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Liz is crying about burritos again.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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