i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
