it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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