do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
