I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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