it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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