I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
