My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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