Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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