she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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