Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I did not marry a roomba.
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