recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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