names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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