kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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