the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
