Soap is not a condiment
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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