Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
