apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
is it fun? or sober?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
