Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
