dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
oh god the rape fog is back!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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