Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
no you cant smoke seaweed
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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