So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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