Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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