I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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