I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
