she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
