I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
