I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my shit smells like andre
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
