Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
