Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize