new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
