my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
