That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
