Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
