I just threw up on my dentist
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
