bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
