The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
now i know why i became what i already was.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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