Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
