I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
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Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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