we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
ok first of all what the fuck
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
