I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
