Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just pee around me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
