I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
