u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
