I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
