he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
