so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
