I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
