everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He passed out mid-signature
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
