his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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