You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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