i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
