i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
