my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
