it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize