I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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