I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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