I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
