sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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