I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
