It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she told me i tasted like america
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
