No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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