im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
