i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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