somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
