Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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