Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
