Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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