Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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