did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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