I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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