I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
