Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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