Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm just crazy horny about you
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
