I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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