My room smells like vodka and shame
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
