im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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