Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
