Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
