Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize