if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
