I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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