Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
